Behaviors move you closer to what you want. We all know this. But what happens when you don’t feel like doing the thing that you promised yourself you’d do?

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.” You’ve no doubt heard this popular quote by Woody Allen. But I would add that how you show up matters. Your interactions with others, and even with yourself, can shift from ineffectively blah to purposefully engaged when you’re thoughtful about how you show up. It’s palpable to everyone in the room.

In my 20s, a dental hygienist said to me, “You don’t have to floss all your teeth.” I said, “Great!” Then she landed the one-two punch with, “You only have to floss the ones you want to keep.” Her trick worked. I’ve been a devout flosser ever since. The same is true for goals: You don’t have to write all your goals, only the ones you want to achieve.

What do you want? This question is simple on the surface but the answers to it can sculpt your life, define your goals, and bring a myriad of emotions from frustration to fulfillment. By declaring what you want, you’re also deciding what you don’t want, and drawing a blueprint from which to build your goals. Consider the definition of want: to feel a need or a desire for; wish for. When was the last time you thought about what you truly wanted, desired, wished for?

Life bumped me off-track recently. I needed to catch-up with myself, to remind myself of what matters, to ground myself in who I want to be and how I want to show up. I started by stopping, which isn’t my natural inclination. My default action when I’m overwhelmed is to focus on doing more faster and working longer hours. I’m great at staying busy. That’s the problem.

One of my clients recently erupted at a coworker when she discovered that confidential information was shared. Normally, she would have calmed down and scheduled a serious discussion with the employee. Before she could do that, they ended up together in a work space with no one else around. The conversation quickly spiraled out of control.

Simply setting a goal and expecting to reach it is a recipe for ongoing angst. A goal you truly desire to achieve needs a solid foundation, stepping stones, and tenacious support.

“We have exceeded our surge capacity,” is a phrase I heard recently from Jennifer Louden. I thought, “Yes! That’s what it feels like! My inner surge protector is fried.” At the same time, I realized that I’ve been learning, along with my clients, friends, and family, how to survive the recent deluge of disasters. I bet you have, too.

“I’m my own worst enemy!” Have you ever said this or heard a friend or colleague say it? It can feel frustrating and demotivating to know precisely what we want to accomplish yet take actions that move us in the opposite direction. How can you get out of your own way and support yourself in getting more of what you want?

I recently had a meeting with a colleague during which I was vigorously sharing my detailed analysis of 2019 and a clear plan for 2020. My colleague paused, starring at one number and said, “Wait. Did you say all of this is income going away?” I flippantly said, “Yes, but look at what I have planned!” Suddenly I saw that even though I had looked at the numbers, I hadn’t truly seen the one with the negative impact.